“Basic Respect” is the cardinal rule of relationship.

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Every relationship involves

a unique form of respect for:

your spouse,

parents,

strangers,

children.

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Where there is respect, relationships flourish.

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One of the most common errors of counselors is that they talk when they should listen.

I am often asked about forgiveness. How can we bring it about? If we are to forgive or to be forgiven, this question remains. Yet in either case, the answer is the same. You need to find the strength within yourself. There’s a delicate balance here. You need to have self-honesty regarding what you’re feeling… not to suppress it, yet not to lose yourself to it. Suppressing or denying your hurt feelings reduces forgiveness to little more than an overlay. However, losing yourself to those feelings makes forgiveness impossible. If you were hurt, you need to find it within yourself to let it pass… let it heal. By balancing inner feelings with inner strength, you attain understanding, which is the gateway to true forgiveness.
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If you hurt another and long for their forgiveness, it also starts with holding the sadness in your heart with strength and dignity. If you do that, it invites the others involved to also move forward to forgiveness. There may be some snide remarks or even outright verbal assaults before they come to that place. You may hear of their criticism or negativity through the grapevine. You may be directly criticized, challenged and hurt again. Your stance is best always held with inner strength. That strength brings understanding. It offers a willingness to give things time to settle. If you bring forward the requisite strength to hold a healthy understanding in your heart, in time, it will be felt by those around you. You may desire an immediate resolution and verbal acknowledgement of your offering. However, the strength required more often must be held in your heart over time. Slowly, the others will feel it and it will assist them in coming back into balance and peace.
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You are tremendously sensitive and vulnerable. This is what it means to be human. Some hide it, or try to. Others do not. But know without question that the sensitivity is universal. It may at times feel like a flaw. It is not. It comes along with the love that dwells within us all. Hold it gently, while finding the strength within to hold it with dignified understanding and honor. This is the gateway to forgiving others, as well as the healing balm often needed to receive loving forgiveness from others.

It’s a beautiful question.  What does this longing for oneness really have its basis in?  Is it based in fear?  It is not based in fear.  It’s based in love, the opposite of fear.  We long to commune because it’s our inherent nature, at the depth of our being, to love.

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Our fear is what prevents us from functioning from that place.  We may fear that if we show our vulnerability, we’ll look like a fool.  So we create a facade, an overlay.  But as the psyche heals, we integrate all the different levels of our being so that we function harmoniously with our vulnerability in a fulfilling manner that is unique to each individual.  Then our vulnerability naturally interfaces with what’s occurring on the surface of our life.